I started a new job a little over 5 months ago.  Transitioning from sports entertainment to foster care has been interesting to say the least.  I was the board president for Parents by Choice for several years.  And yet I didn't really get it.  Well I'm getting it now.  We currently serve about 110 children from the age of a few weeks to 18 years old.  One hundred and ten children who, through NO FAULT of their own are put into "the system".  I don't know all 110 -26 are in Solano County, but I have had the privilege of meeting many of them.  Each one is special and wonderful.  I look at their faces and have fallen in love with them.  And then there are the ones we have lost.  There was one young man who I heard about just as I started.  He had been in foster care for awhile and was a heroin addict.  It broke my heart and I continue to pray for him.
There is a family of three boys who would be a handful for any family, but their smiles would melt a snowman's heart.  Some of the children arrive for their visits ahead of their biological parents which gives us time to hang out together.

One afternoon, I had a baby on my lap, two children running through the office and the phone was ringing.  A vendor came in to pitch her office supply company.  The look on her face when she walked through the doors was priceless.  I'm sure she had no clue what she was walking into, but I was in my element!

Today, Tony (my boss) gave me a 30 day devotional written by a pediatrician who works with foster children.  She shares stories of her experiences and each one brought a tear.  Tony told me his job was to make me a cry at least once a day and he is succeeding!

The tears are truly mixed emotions.  I am so blessed to spend time with these precious children, foster families, biological parents who are working hard to earn their children back, and social workers who work tirelessly to make sure the families and children have what they need.  We have a great support staff too who keep the office running.

The difficult part is knowing the stories of not only the children, but the biological families.  There is so much loss and pain.  We have a dad who has worked incredibly hard to be reunited.  When he graduated from his program, the foster dad brought the man's children to the ceremony and stayed.  The foster dad was touched by the positive things said about the dad by his instructors and fellow students.  The dad has been granted unsupervised visits with his children.  Reunification is within view.  And as much as I will miss those beautiful faces, it will be a good thing for them to be a family again.

Being a foster parent is one of the most heroic things a person/family can do.  To take someone else's child or children and care for them, love them, and then let them go takes a truly amazing person.  They are true heroes.

There are more stories to share, but I'll leave you with this... we are all looking for one thing - to feel loved, unconditionally loved.  So love one another, be kind to those you encounter.  Behind that mask could be someone whose life you could impact.

Blessings,
Linda

                         The Pit and the Mountaintop

 THE PIT

            Have you ever felt as if you have fallen into a deep, dark pit?  The cold clammy hand of gloom grips you.  There is no light, no warmth, only nothingness.  A voice whispers in your ear, “God does not love you.”  Another voice sneers, “How could God love you?”  Their hate-filled laughter is full of ridicule and jeering.  You know you must escape, but how?  You reach out your trembling hand and feel nothing.  Hope has fled this desolate place, abandoning you to Despair and Depression.  They love having you in their grasp. 

            You awaken in the morning and try to go back to sleep.  Daylight brings no comfort and you walk through life as if in a vacuum.  You snap at or ignore those around you.  “What is the point?” you ask Despair.  He gleefully answers, “There is no point, no rhyme, no reason!”   Depression baits you, “If God truly loved you, He would have answered your prayers – He answered Joe’s prayer, didn’t He?”  You sink lower into the pit – resigning yourself to this dark and dreadful place.  You are an outcast – unloved and overlooked. Not even God loves you and if He doesn’t love you then how could your spouse?  Your children?  Your so-called friends?  Why haven’t they called or stopped by for a visit?  Didn’t you send Carol a card when she was feeling blue?  And don’t you always call Sue for lunch or a cup of coffee?  Spite rears his ugly head and offers you a deal: don’t call or visit anyone and see how long it takes for someone to notice you’re gone or missing.  What?  It’s already been two weeks?  Two weeks and no one has called?  No one has missed you?  Don’t you see what has happened?  They don’t care about you.  No one cares about you.  You pushed yourself on them, intruded in their lives.  Loneliness takes your hand and leads you deeper into the darkness.

            As you sit in the shadows of the pit, a tiny spot of light appears.  Encouragement speaks softly, “God does love you!  His Son, Jesus, died just for you!  Remember!  Remember His Sacred Word, the blessed hymns, those things you’ve read and heard!  Your family and friends are busy with their lives, but they love you and care deeply about you.  Reach out to them and they will respond.”  Suddenly Encouragement is extinguished by the mocking laughter of Rejection.  “You?  Loved?  Sure they love you.  But you know better than that.  You’ve given up so much for those people and when have they ever reached back?  Okay maybe a token here or there, but why should you reach out to them?  They should KNOW you need them!  If God loved you then why did He let your father die?  Or saved your business when it began to fail?  But no!  He turned His back on you and laughed as He walked away.  You know it He could have easily arranged for your lottery number to come up when it had reached $60 million.  Think of all you could have done with that money… you have thought about it, haven’t you?  You told God what you would do with all that money and still He ignored you and let some greedy person win who wasted it on trivial things.”  Pity spoke up “God doesn’t need you.  You are a mere human – who are you to think God would listen to your sniveling?”

            Anything during this time of darkness that is good and holy is offensive to you.  You don’t want to hear anything positive and you definitely do not want to pray!  Unbelief steps forward and tells you that there really is no God – just a figment of some warped man’s imagination.  There is nothing after death – it is over.  Gluttony pokes you and tells you “Live for today!  Take advantage of the other guy because he is planning on taking advantage of you!  Beat him at his own game!  Look around you; the only time the good guy wins is in the movies or fairy tales!  Death and Destruction are in control of the world these days.”

            You feel alone, lost, and in pain.  You know that what the demons are saying is all true.  All you ever wanted in life was to be happy – no pain, no grief, enough money to buy the things you desire, the authority to tell people what they’re doing wrong and help them become better people!  You know what’s best for others – you just know.  You desire to be loved, to live in a large house with a swimming pool, and drive a fancy new car.  You want a spouse who adores you and children who are obedient and loving.  You deserve to have it all, but you don’t.  God hasn’t seen fit to “bless” you.  Why do those who refuse to follow the rules end up millionaires?  You’ve followed the rules – attend church every week, pray every day, obey the laws of the land – you’ve never even had a speeding ticket and yet you live paycheck-to-paycheck – always struggling.  Something is always breaking down and needing to be repaired.  Just when it looks like you’re getting ahead or something wonderful is about to happen – it is ruined.

            And yet, you do remember reading the scriptures stories about Jesus dying for you.  And about those who had felt abandoned only to be restored by God’s love.  A fleeting memory appears of a time when you felt the warmth of God’s love.  A tiny shaft of light begins to pierce the darkness.  It is faint, but it is there.  You sense someone beside you and look to find Confusion.  “You are troubled”, he speaks, sounding like a wise old man, “You have heard and seen much and yet you cannot decide what is Truth and what are lies.  Do not trust your feelings for they can be manipulated – look at reality.  The world is filled with hate, violence, and horrible wars.  How can there be a God when there is so much ugliness in the world?”  The faint light suddenly grew brighter, “But what of the goodness?  The beauty?”   Light and Dark are beginning to clash.  You are caught in the middle as they battle for your soul.  You can only stand by and watch.  You are aware in the deepest crevice of your soul that you are a child of God.  An heir to the Kingdom by your baptism.  You hold on to that - the very shirttails of your Guardian Angel who now reveals himself and lays claim to you.  You attempt to pray, but Despair chides you, “What’s the use?  He won’t listen to you!”  You are torn – you know the Truth and yet there is some comfort in Despair’s company.  It’s easier to blame others than to pick up the cross and follow Jesus.

            Slowly, your Guardian Angel guides you through the darkness of the pit up towards the light and warmth.  Hope and Faith embrace you.  “We never really left you.” They smile and you somehow know that is true.  You wonder why God would allow you to slip into the pit and you realize it was you who went voluntarily.  You kneel down and acknowledge your weakness and sinfulness.  You let Jealousy, Envy, and Gossip lead you into the pit like Pinocchio to Pleasure Island.

            You are about to climb completely out of the pit when a huge boulder hits you, knocking you back into the pit.  Fear stands before you, hands on hips, “Hello?  Do you think God is going to turn His head and look the other way after all you’ve done?”  You try to cry out to the Father.  “He won’t hear us,” whispers Deceit.  Fear continues “Remember how He treated the people in the Old Testament?  He destroyed them for less than what you have done?  You are sinful and He hates sin!  Hide here with us and you’ll be safe.”  And so you seek shelter in the darkest corner of the pit.  It’s true!  You are sinful – God could never forgive the things you’ve done!  You close all the shades and pull the covers up close around you and withdraw.  There are times when you must venture out into the world and so you put up barriers to prevent Goodness from getting too close to you.

            Anger becomes your closest companion.  “How could he…?  She is always telling lies about me!  It’s not fair!” continually drip from Anger’s lips.  Someone in the darkness yells, “PITY PARTY!”  and the darkness intensifies, grows colder.  They are all there to help celebrate your pain – Anger, Despair, Depression, Hate, Envy, Greed, Jealousy, Self-Righteousness, Deception, Confusion, Doubt.  There is a new face in the crowd – dressed in black from head to toe – Death has come to the party.  The air is thick with hopelessness and guilt.  Will you ever feel warm again?  Will you ever be filled with joy and laughter?  Have you been a complete fool to believe that God exists and cares?

            The light again begins to penetrate the bleakness.  Hope has dared to enter the pit and whispers in your ear, “Jesus is coming for you.”  Doubt jumps in and reminds you God has abandoned you.  Despair joins in and surrounds you with Hate and Anger.  You cry out to God with Anger prompting you.  “How could you?  Why have you put me here?  Why have you turned your back on me?  Anger continues to fuel your speech, enjoying the power flowing through you.  Before Anger realizes what is happening, your ranting turns into a hurting soul crying out to the Father for deliverance.  Anger falls from his perch, stunned.  Hope grabs you and lifts you up into the arms of the One who truly loves you.  You reach up and throw your arms around Jesus as He lifts you up and out of the pit.

            You weep as Joy and Love encircle you.  Peace appears and rests on your heart.  You look back at the pit and realize that you have once again been rescued from that horrid place.  You turn to face the Father and fall on your knees in worship, thanking Him for His unwavering love.  He hugs you close and reminds you He loves you.  He tells you to hold fast to His Word – keep the scriptures close to your heart.  When things begin to look bleak, hold fast.

THE MOUNTAIN TOP

            Take the pit and the mountaintop is the EXACT opposite experience!  In the pit, the darkness and bleakness is beyond adequate description.  On the mountaintop, there is more Light and joy than the human body can handle.  The Sacred Scriptures describe it as unspeakable joy.  Every fiber of your being is filled with the Holy Spirit.  You are beyond the reach of the Evil One.  You are communing with the Angels – praising God and being engulfed with intense Love.  Your vision is clear and unobstructed for you know who you are- a child of the Most High God, you know where you are headed, and you’re willing to not just carry the Cross and follow Jesus, but you’ll dance every step of the way.

            God smiles, knowing that your happiness and joy is full.  It is as He wishes for all His children – you know God is God and an awesome One who seeks to bless His children with all that is good.  You have given control over your life and are fearless.  You are bold and courageous, willing to step up and be counted among the followers of Christ.  You pledge your undying loyalty and beg God to send you into battle.  Jesus sits with the Father and smiles – knowing that you are sincere in your pledge, but They know the battle is fierce.  There will be times when pledges will be forgotten, when belief will wane, and once again They will need to go into the pit and wrench us from the clutches of Evil. The Holy Spirit blesses us as we revel in the presence of the Holy Trinity.

            It is on the mountaintop you are rejuvenated.  It is here where you gain strength to continue on your journey.  You have a glimpse into Heaven and receive a token of God’s immeasurable Love to carry with you in your daily battles.  It is on the mountaintop that you become aware that without God you are defenseless, without Jesus you are left to Death, without the Holy Spirit you are alone in your fight.

Joy, Happiness, Hope, Faith surround you here on the mountaintop for you are no longer earthbound.  There is a compulsion to spread your joy with everyone you meet.  You want to hug and sing and rejoice in the sharing of God’s love.  Someone yells, “WORSHIP PARTY!”  You go down on bended knee and sing the praises of God.  Emotions are strong as tears of incredible happiness stream down your radiant face.  The Peace of Christ settles on your soul – the hand of God has touched you.  You want to jump, dance, shout, and sing.  There is only Light, Joy, an overwhelming feeling of Love, Acceptance, and a desire to share all that you are experiencing.  You see people as Jesus sees them – lovable, acceptable, children of the Holy One.

            After a mountain top experience, there is usually exhaustion.  Your human body cannot sustain such Godly joy, but you do carry that “token” that will remind you of those wonderful times.  You can hold onto the peace of the Holy Spirit.  It is a lifeline for those times when you are nearing the edge of or have fallen into the pit.  You are a child of God!  He has claimed you and you are His.  The Blood of Christ covers you and protects you.

  

IN BETWEEN:

            There are times when we are neither in the pit nor on the mountaintop.  This is where we spend most of our time: in between.  Unfortunately there is no valley for us to rest – that comes later.  We are always moving, always struggling.  Sometimes we go back and forth: climbing up the mountain then headed towards the pits then climbing the mountain again.

            So how do we stay out of the pit and if we fall into the pit, how do we get out?  The following list is far from complete, but it offers a few suggestions. 

Ø  Know (remember) that God always answers prayers.  Sometimes the answer is “no”, sometimes the answer is “yes”, and sometimes the answer is “wait”.

Ø  Strengthen your faith during the mountain top times by memorizing scriptures verses, hymns, and good advice from wise people.

Ø  PRAY!  If you don’t “feel” like praying – that’s when you need it the most!  Pray that you will feel like praying.

Ø  Be thankful!  Remember to look for the blessings in your life.  They are all around you.

Ø  Read the Sacred Scriptures daily.  Five minutes a day is better than nothing.

Ø  Reach out to solid faith-filled friends.  People are not mind readers – let them know when you have a special need!

Ø  Cling to hope and belief in Jesus.

Ø  Pray for others and their needs.  Pray for those who live in the pit and don’t know how to get out and may not want to get out.

Ø  “Commit random acts of kindness and senseless acts of beauty”.

Ø  Be humble – God has given all you have to you.

Ø  Be kind to one another.  We are all children of God.

Ø  Trust God!  Even in times of pain, suffering, and grief God is faithful.

Happy New Year 2013!
It is my resolution to keep this blog up to date this year!  I'm a novice at blogging so bear with me.  If you read my blog, I hope you will share it with others.

One of my favorite things about humans is the ability to want a fresh start!  Each January 1st we reflect and promise to do better, be better.  And yet each day we wake up, it is a new chance to leave a positive mark on the world.  Each morning, make that vow to eat better for that day, exercise that day, make someone smile for one day.  If we make this effort just for a day, then the days will turn into weeks, weeks will turn into months and months into years.  We will look back on today and be grateful we started.

I am a writer.  I love writing, but writing is scary. I have dreams of people reading my stories.  Often Fear whispers in my ear that I am not good enough, I have no story to tell.  

I want to be healthy.  Being able to get up without creaking or walk without getting winded would be wonderful.

So when I wake up tomorrow, I am going to get on our elliptical machine for 30 minutes.  And then I will sit at my new writing desk and write for at least 30 minutes.  

What will you do when you wake up tomorrow?

Warmest regards, 
Linda

Stop judging...

I truly enjoy the book "Jesus Calling".  Today's reading was about not judging, but it wasn't talking about judging others.  It was about not judging ourselves!  The first sentence reads, "Stop judging and evaluating yourself, for this is not your role."  Whew!  I am so happy to read this!  


We judge ourselves all the time!  Do any of you wonder if some day you will be found out?  That you are not as wonderful as people think you are, not as smart or beautiful as people say?  We all have flaws and thank goodness for them!  


Jesus set the example for not judging.  He hang out with the undesirables, those the world judged as unworthy, beneath them.  But we are all human.  We hurt, we bleed, we rejoice, we cry.  You never know if the person sitting next to you at a meeting is struggling with life issues or happy as a lark.  We need to be kind to one another.  It isn't always easy, especially if we disagree with the other person.  Or if they are different from us.  Do we volunteer at a soup kitchen or homeless shelter?  Do we talk to the person on street asking for money?  Or are we "too busy" or afraid.


Judge not and be not judged.  That is the goal.


Peace my friends,
Linda

Prayer

Prayer is an amazing thing.  It can calm our inner storms, give us an outlet to praise God and we can beg for forgiveness.  I know Webster has defined the word prayer and yet prayer is so many things and can be done in so many ways.


People complain prayer has been removed from our schools.  Only formal prayer has been removed from schools.  Students still pray as they start a big test, a girl still prays the cute boy will ask her to the dance, and the athletic prays his team will win.  


We offer prayers for those who are suffering, who are ill, who are going through tough times.  We praise God in prayer and are thankful for our blessings.


Prayer can be formal or simple, spoken or unspoken.  It is a conversation with God.  There are formulas for prayer, but God doesn't hold us to it.  Sometimes it is all we can do to just sit in the presence of God.


We must remember to take time to listen to God's part of the conversation.  It isn't all about us. God has something to say to us, but sometimes we are only interested in unloading on God.  


Be prayerful my friend.

Death

"To everything there is a  season: a time to be born and a time to die" 

I have been to many a funeral where this passage was shared.  We are all appointed a time to die.  I believe that, but more times than not, death is not easy to accept.   And saying, "It's God's will" is brutal to hear.  A child murdered and buried in a hole for twenty years cannot be "God's will", can it?  I believe evil has something to do with it.


It has been a long held belief of mine that when it is your time to die, you will die.  It doesn't matter who you are, where you are, or what you are doing.   The circumstances may be up for discussion, but when is set when you are born (or maybe before).


My friend, Joe, was in a motorcycle accident.  He was thrown from the bike and landed on the right side of his head.  His helmet did little to protect him.  From the way his beloved wife, Alyson, described his injuries, Joe is "lucky" to be alive.  But was it luck?  Or was it not yet time for Joe to die?  It has been a blessing that Joe is alive.  He is struggling to regain his health.  For all the struggles and long nights, we are all happy to have Joe with us.  He continues to grow stronger every day.  Please keep him and Alyson in your prayers.  They have a long road of recovery ahead of them, but they will do it together.


Another friend of mine, Jason, lost his life to illness.  He had been fighting the flu or a cold that continued to get worse.  His brother, Jim, took him to the hospital.  Within in 48 hours, Jason was dead.  As he fought to breathe, he cried out to his brother to help him.  Was it Jason's time to die?  God's will? His death was sudden and is still difficult to comprehend. All I know for sure is that those who knew Jason and the community in general lost a champion.  His two children, Maddie and Ben, buried their father.  Danille, his fiancee, buried not only the man she loved, but the future they were planning to share.  The Christensen family buried a son, a brother, an uncle.  The community lost a police officer dedicated to the city he served.  It is difficult to make sense of his death.  He was young and    was one of those people who took command of a situation.  It has been a year since Jason left us.  Please pray for his children and his family.
Death seems so permanent to us here on earth.  It is comforting to know you can pick up a phone to call someone or send a text or email.  But when someone dies, contact is broken.  We no longer hear there voice, feel their comforting arms around us, or create memories.  We have the promise of a life after this, but we are impatient beings.  
My mom passed away 6 1/2 years ago.  There are still times when I reach for the phone to call her.  I miss her terribly.  She often accompanied me and the girls to a parade or on some little trip.  She taught me to respect the dead and we would often visit the cemetery to place flowers.


So I have just rambled about death.  It is late and hopefully this made some sense.  
Love those around you now.  Tomorrow might be too late.
Blessings, 
Linda

Hell -Part II

So... Hell -Part II... I truly believe there is a Heaven and a Hell.  The Catholic Church teaches about both.   I don't believe you can have one without the other.  And to demonstrate how intimately they are connected, we read in the Book of Job, Chapter 1:6-7: "One day, when the sons of God (*angels) came to present themselves before the Lord, Satan also came among them.  And the Lord said to Satan, 'Whence do you come?'  Then Satan answered, 'From roaming the earth and patrolling it."   The same situation/conversation takes place in Chapter 2.  How interesting that Satan seemingly strolls into the presence of God along with the angels.  This is one of those "inquiring minds" question that I would love to have answered.  Does Satan continue to stroll into the presence of the Lord?  He is definitely roaming and patrolling the earth!  Why does the Lord allow this? 


I once had an experience with a demonic "something".  It was an overwhelming feeling of darkness. I was alone in a cabin at Girls' Church Camp.  It had been an especially inspiring morning and I was putting away my bible when I heard a noise on the top bunk.  I was hoping it was a raccoon or squirrel.  I stood up and then the noise moved to the lower bunk.  As I stood there, darkness, like a thick black cloud, began to envelope the room.  Sort of like the Dementors in  Harry Potter without the coldness.   I said the first thing that popped in my head - In Jesus name I command you to leave!  Well I'm here to tell you that actually works!!  Instantly the darkness was gone and it was all I could do  to NOT to run down the hill to the main meeting area.  I thought I would be more frightened than I was, but thanks to Jesus, I felt safe.
So if Hell exists, what can we do to avoid going there?  It doesn't sound like somewhere any one would choose to go and yet I believe there will be those who do.  For those of us who believe, it is unfathomable someone can look into the loving eyes of God and reject Him.  How sad for them.
On the side.... some of you may know that I was raised in the Mormon faith.  It has been awhile, but from what I remember, the Mormon faith does not teach about hell.  They have "Outer Darkness".  It is a complete disconnection with all that is Holy.  In short, there are three degrees of Heaven - Celestial (where all faithful Mormons desire to go), Terrestial (where the "good" non-Mormons will go), and Telestial (reserved for the rapists, murderers, evil folks).  If it turns out the Mormon Church is true, I, my friends, will be banished to Outer Darkness.  That is reserved for the "sons of perdition" -those who knew the truth and rejected it. In the eyes of the Mormon faith, I have committed a more grievous sin than a murderer.  Just so you know, I'm not a big fan of the dark.  Here's hoping they're wrong.


As you go through your days, your hours, your moments, remember that your choices and actions will be recorded by the angels.  Each day, you choose heaven or hell.  You follow God or Satan.  God loves each and everyone of us: the Christian praying for guidance, the homeless man wandering the streets, the thug carjacking a vehicle, the prostitute selling her body, the average Joe just trying to survive in a crazy world.  Love people, see God in them.  Choose heaven. 
Blessings, 
Linda


P.S. Please know that I struggle every day with following Christ.  I get angry and I can be prideful, but I'm trying.  Pray for me as I pray for you.  And please pray for those who have no one to pray for them.  <3